1. You know where the bathroom is in any major store you visit.
2. Your car has more seatbelts than windows.
3. Your grocery budget is higher than your house payment.
4. You do most of your thinking and praying in the bathroom.
5. Creative decorating means lots of bookshelves and bunkbeds.
6. You no longer carry a purse, but use the diaper bag instead.
7. Your idea of good commercial building design means a comfy mother's lounge.
8. You constantly find yourself marveling how short the time is between birth
and toddling, birth and schoolage, birth and graduation, etc.
9. Even your two year old knows that they must hold someone's hand in the
grocery store.
10. You have a routine for stopping pacifiers, toilet training, cup training,
and every childhood “phase”.
11. You have at least three witty replies to "Are they all yours?"
12. You just really wish people would not think they were clever for saying,
"Don't you know what causes that?"
13. You have forgotten how many times you have been asked, "Are you Mormon
or Catholic?"
14. You are still afraid to tell your husband how many more kids you want!
15. Your food storage takes up more room than your entire kitchen... And that
is just for this week! 16. You have so much laundry that when you finally get
to the bottom of the pile, it's actually stuck to the floor!
17. You spend a lot of time at church in the foyer or mother’s lounge,
wondering why you can’t just stay home and listen to the baby fuss there!
18. You spend more money on diapers each month than you do on entertainment!
19. You instantly sympathize with any woman who is obviously pregnant in the
middle of summer.
20. You are up to double digits in years that you have spent with a baby
attached to you in one way or another!
21. Taking the kids grocery shopping with you makes you feel like a mother
duck.
22. You hate carpools because you know who is going to get stuck doing the
driving.
23. When you see photos of castles and grand mansions, all you can think is how
many bedrooms it has (YES!), and how much space all those other rooms provide
for the kids to mess up (NO WAY!).
24. You know that every time you move the couch or couch cushions, you will
find Cheerios under them.... Even if you have not had Cheerios in the house!
25. You know the “law of crumbs”. “Any food item that will crumble will produce
twice its own weight in crumbs.”
26. You know by experience that paint NEVER dries until it has been spread
around in all the places you did NOT want it to be.
27. You know what to use to remove lipstick, shortening, and indelible marker
from any surface.
28. You know how to get smashed raisins out of a carpet, and how to get
bubblegum out of hair, and so do all your older kids.
29. You are certain one of your kids is sneaking rolls of toilet paper out of
the house and selling them because you know there is no way they could be using
that much of it, even if there ARE a lot of bottoms in your house.
30. When you go to order fast food, you order 6 hamburgers, one with ketchup
only, one plain, one with no pickles or onions, two with no pickles, onions or
mustard, and one with nothing but cheese, plus one fish sandwich, one chicken
sandwich, one large hamburger, and one large hamburger with bacon. You then
have to repeat yourself three times so the person at the window can get it
right.
31. When your kids are learning a foreign language, you wonder how it is that
they can find the words to insult each other faster than they can find the
words to say “I'm sorry.”
32. If two kids bring home identical toys from their kid's meal, you know you
have to put names on them first thing, or they will fight over whose is whose,
even if both of them have one in their hand.
33. You spend a lot of time looking at the little kids, urging them on to the
next step, while still wishing they could stay little just a bit longer.
34. You have a full baby book for your first two children, half of one for the
next one, and nearly empty baby books or none at all for the later ones.
35. When the many-times-handed down clothing is finally too worn out to hand
down again, you still have a hard time letting it go because it has so many
good memories attached.
36. You don't have a wardrobe of “fat clothes” and “skinny clothes”. You have
"regular clothes”, “pregnant clothes”, and “nursing clothes”.
37. When a child outgrows something, you put it away in a box in the closet or
garage, even if you don't have a younger child of that gender, because you just
know you are going to need it eventually!
38. Your idea of a great dining set is one that has lots of expansion leaves.
When you see a corporate boardroom on TV, all you can think is what a great
dining table the conference table would make.
39. You can list at least three different technological advances in diaper
design which you, personally, have used on your kids.
40. You have at least one specialized medical skill because at least one of
your kids has some kind of potentially risky condition which you deal with.
41. You sometimes wonder how it is that other moms get really nice gifts for
holidays, and you end up with 6 pieces of cardboard with “I love you Mom your
the best.” written on it in crooked writing. And you have a box in your closet
that you put them in.
42. You cook dinner in pots large enough to bathe a baby in, and frequently
lament over the insufficient size of convenience appliances like mixers, waffle
irons, and crock pots – and you compromise by owning two of each.
43. Your car is large enough to hold the entire family, but if you go camping,
you have to rent a trailer just to hold all the camping equipment.
44. You can't believe with the size of the larger RVs out there that they
couldn't fit more beds into at least ONE of them, and you really wish they'd
design one with two bathrooms!
45. If you see a home design with a Master Retreat room, you think what a great
nursery it would make.
46. You can quote entire pages from Dr. Seuss without having to pause to think
about it, and can sing any number of Raffi or Disney songs from memory.
47. You can think of more than three great Christmas gifts for a child of any
age... Because you always have a child close to the age in question!
48. You have at least one story stored up for each of your kids which is
guaranteed to embarrass them if you recount it in public.
49. You know, and are thankful, that when they get too old to send to their
rooms, that possession of the car keys gives you the ultimate power!
50. When the first two kids move out, you can't believe how much smaller your
family feels.
51. You think that a mini-van is just too small to be a practical family car -
but you wish they'd make a shopping cart about that size!
52. Getting the whole family to fit into the Wal-Mart photo booth, and then
getting a picture when nobody is crying, making bunny ears, blinking, or
sticking their finger in their nose is a major triumph!
53. Your stretchmarks might better be described as "pleats".
54. Your kids don't need as many toys, because they always have someone to play
with.
55. Other people dream of buying a Porche or other sports car, but all you can
think is that it wouldn't be good for anything because it is not cheap enough
for your husband to commute in, and it doesn't have enough seats for the
family, and there's no WAY you are going to let your teenager drive that!
56. You have to take off your shoes to count all the kids.
Written by Laura Wheeler
Co-Owner of Firelight Business Enterprises, Inc, and
Firelight Web
Studio – Laura writes instructional materials, produces infosites, and
builds affordable websites for her business startup clients. Her varied
experience allows her to give exceptional service, and to produce instructions
on a surprising range of topics. Laura is a busy mom of eight, homeschooler,
and home business owner.
This article may be reprinted if it is unaltered, and if the signature line is
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